The Squeezing Vagina Story - Part 1

a true story of great sex, denial, bad sex, and hulking fathers (in that order).

Exaggeration quotient: 4 out of 10
Fabrication quotient: 2 out of 10
                                                                                                                                           

Once upon a time,

There was a boy who may or may not have been me.

I remember one of my first days in middle school when I was standing in the lunch line.  Some short fat kid who was incredibly popular was standing in front of me.  He had ridiculously curly hair.  It was also jet black, and brown freckles covered his face.  In any other universe besides the vortex that is the southwestern corner of Penn's woods, this kid would be labeled a mega-nerd.  But no, in my school, this kid was royalty.  Oh, adolescent ironies.  (This kid would eventually disappear from my life and re-appear a few years later in high school after losing an inhumane amount of weight, which is great.  I can't remember his fucking name, though.)

Anyway, this day was important to the story I'm about to tell, because it was one of the first days of my true sexual education.  I was a golden child when I was younger.  Church every Sunday, straight A's, sucked up to every single teacher in that stuck up, brown-noser way that makes other children jabber about how that kid falls into three categories: 1) He must come from a well-off family. 2) He was a pussy. 3) He was gay.