a true story of great sex, denial, bad sex, and hulking fathers (in that order).
Exaggeration quotient: 4 out of 10
Fabrication quotient: 2 out of 10
Once upon a time,
There was a boy who may or may not have been me.
I remember one of my first days in middle school when I was standing in the lunch line. Some short fat kid who was incredibly popular was standing in front of me. He had ridiculously curly hair. It was also jet black, and brown freckles covered his face. In any other universe besides the vortex that is the southwestern corner of Penn's woods, this kid would be labeled a mega-nerd. But no, in my school, this kid was royalty. Oh, adolescent ironies. (This kid would eventually disappear from my life and re-appear a few years later in high school after losing an inhumane amount of weight, which is great. I can't remember his fucking name, though.)
Anyway, this day was important to the story I'm about to tell, because it was one of the first days of my true sexual education. I was a golden child when I was younger. Church every Sunday, straight A's, sucked up to every single teacher in that stuck up, brown-noser way that makes other children jabber about how that kid falls into three categories: 1) He must come from a well-off family. 2) He was a pussy. 3) He was gay.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Coming Soon...
You should be excited. Why? The JimmyTimeStep Storyblog launches in two weeks.
After being told for years how good of a storyteller I am, (and after being inspired by my friends Billy, Manda, and Josie), I decided to start a blog dedicated to just that. The JTSSB will feature all kinds of frighteningly true, always fabulous, occasionally exaggerated, rarely fabricated, wildly hysterical, somewhat touching stories from or inspired by my crazy life as an eccentric, big-personalitied artist, or by the lives of my similarly compelling friends and family.
Get ready for such jewels as Edinburgh and Arthur's Seat, The Squeezing Vagina (or Why I Am Gay), A Mad Men New Years in Memphis, My Stealthy Secret Santa, Karaoke, Two Speeding Tickets in Twenty-Five Minutes Across Two Different States, The Loose Asshole, and The Duck Story. Expect stories in similar in tone to the best drunk story your best friend ever told you, with an extra helping of glitter and Disney magic. A new story will be published to the Storyblog every two weeks.
Check out the poll and vote for which you'd like to hear first!
Peace out for now, story lovers!
After being told for years how good of a storyteller I am, (and after being inspired by my friends Billy, Manda, and Josie), I decided to start a blog dedicated to just that. The JTSSB will feature all kinds of frighteningly true, always fabulous, occasionally exaggerated, rarely fabricated, wildly hysterical, somewhat touching stories from or inspired by my crazy life as an eccentric, big-personalitied artist, or by the lives of my similarly compelling friends and family.
Get ready for such jewels as Edinburgh and Arthur's Seat, The Squeezing Vagina (or Why I Am Gay), A Mad Men New Years in Memphis, My Stealthy Secret Santa, Karaoke, Two Speeding Tickets in Twenty-Five Minutes Across Two Different States, The Loose Asshole, and The Duck Story. Expect stories in similar in tone to the best drunk story your best friend ever told you, with an extra helping of glitter and Disney magic. A new story will be published to the Storyblog every two weeks.
Check out the poll and vote for which you'd like to hear first!
Peace out for now, story lovers!
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